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[–] Le_Squish 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Things I learned when I was a store manager , with a very good nentor, that have helped me greatly in my dealings with everyone:

  • Everyone is good at different things. Best practice is to create an environment where they can be good at the thing they are good at and learn to appreciate that part of them.

  • Don't set people up for failure by having unreasonable expectations.

  • If you criticize someone for underperforming, you should have a plan and be able to explain to them why you think they can do it better. Once people get in the mindset that you trying to help them be awesome, they are much more receptive to being bossed around.

  • Results are often more important than the process. When we are learning to not be controlling, it is a challenge to not demand things be done "our way". Do the results justify our demands? Often not and sometimes someone discovers novel ways of doing things that produce better or equal results.
  • When someone has fulfilled their responsibilities, they have earned the right to spend what ever time left how they were see fit.

  • Learn to calm down and rest and respect other's need for rest are different that yours. Some people get emotionally exhausted easily while others may need to change task frequently to avoid exhaustion from repetitive motions. Rest is restorative and not to be confused with sloth and neglect.

  • Empower other to criticize you as an important check in your relationship with them. This discourages dependence and establishes that you can handle honest feedback.


When we see behavior we want to criticize, pull back a bit and instead criticize your own judgement. Are you seeing incompetence, laziness, neglect, inconsideration or just something that is simply odd or different? What are the results of this behavior continuing? Most of the time it is simply the other human in your life being a weirdo and sometimes they'll be slacking off on important things and need a stern reminder to straighten up. Some people absolutely cannot self-manage and aren't receptive to positive reinforcement and need someone to be mean to them while others are very conscientious and can self-correct. These are things that can only be learned from holding our tongue and being observant.

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[–] Palindromedan 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Awww <3 so wise

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[–] 17248664? [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Saved. What an incredible comment, Squish. Thank you. <3

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[–] Le_Squish 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

<3

Don't forget that maybe your noise and energy is a counterbalance that he needs to his quiet.

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[–] enginedriver13 0 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago 

That's a really thoughtful and insightful post. It is hard to resist the urge to "re-make" people, and I have concluded (for myself at least) it's rooted in arrogance ("I know what you need, or should do, better than you do").

There's an old joke: men marry women hoping they'll never change, whereas women marry men hoping they will.

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[–] 17245626? [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

I have concluded (for myself at least) it's rooted in arrogance ("I know what you need, or should do, better than you do").

You're exactly right.

Edit: Also, thank you <3

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[–] Phantom42 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Yeah, and then when the men do change (or don't) the girl leaves, divorce rapes him, and he is left with nothing but bloodlust if he's half the man he should be.

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[–] Palindromedan 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago  (edited ago)

What a timely post for me as well. We share many similarities Empress. Makes me reflect