That sucks, man. I feel you.
I believe it is possible to change. It's just tedious because results take time.
I cut my diet down to rice and beef, because it's a guaranteed clear mind for me, with a variety of other things in moderation. I'll have to try that fasting, too.
I believe it is possible to rehabilitate your mental functions through competitive games. I took up playing DotA when I realized I could tell which part of my mind was engaged when I played. Am I thinking and predicting, or am I feeling and reacting? Am I planning or am I reliving? Do I really understand what happened and should go to the next game, or am I avoiding the memory of failure and should watch the replay? Did I rage? Raging only hinders team performance. What could I have done to resolve the situation? What could I have done to win, from hero selection, to communication, to the end? What are the professional styles of play? What low tier pub styles have I seen or can make up for myself to win games? Should I be watching better players right now or should I be resting and posting on 8ch?
I know games sound like a waste of time, but it was all I could do before. I could play for many hours, slipping this rehab in. Now I can read books by my own choosing without feeling that fucking burning in my mind.
Fuck I never thought about the bullying and discrimination from the teachers… About two years before I told them to fuck off and I'm not taking anymore tests my 4th grade teacher accused me of cheating and ruining the curve for the math final. Because I didn't show any of my work on long division, and achieved a perfect test score.
Not only did she tell the whole class it was my fault everyone else got only as high as a B because I cheated, but she called a conference with my parents to attempt to poison my relationship. This backfire spectacularly when my father (who had been working with me on math because it's my favorite subject of study) suggested she give me an pop quiz with everything there, and me solving the problems on the chalk-board.
Once again I achieved a perfect score without showing my work. Her tone never changed. Even though I had just proven I wasn't a cheater she actually started treating me worse because I proved her wrong.
She never told the class the truth, and within months the niggers started trying to bully me to the point that when I finally retaliated I sent the biggest nigger to the hospital with big bloody nigger lips.
The other thing I remember was these "Iowa Basic Skills Tests" that I would routinely score in the top 1-2% of the USA in science and math.
I had issues with my 4th grade teacher as well. I got perfect marks throughout the entirety of my schooling beforehand (including 4th grade), and my teacher had the audacity to tell my parents things such as "I don't like to think", or other vague yet demeaning remarks. It felt remarkably similar to bullying that I did nothing to deserve. This was also about the same time I started attending GATE classes, back in 2001-2003.
I had issues with my 4th grade teacher as well
Interesting, I also had trouble with my 4th grade teacher. I wonder if it's because as a boy you start acting more mature and less like a toddler? The cunt was an obvious man-hating dyke, looking back on it.
I can do this too sometimes. My mom is an identical twin, so I grew up with stories of precognition and psychic dog whistles. Why are we not screaming at kikes, driving them to suicide right nao?
Not the worst idea ever. I'm kind of tied up rewiring the world political structure though, and I've been using my energy on much bigger things than being annoying to some individual kike. For anyone who wanted to try it, it's not a bad experiment though.
Wtf is this correlation between near drowning experiences and being here? I was also on British version of GATE.
We haven't figured it out yet, but it's a bit startling. It's possible we're in an afterlife holding cell for drowned kids, which, if true, should mean we can rewrite the entire thing like a lucid dream. Let's try that, right? See if it works out.
Secondly, I was visited several times by a female scientist who worked with NASA. This scientist was pulling students in the GATE program out of class one by one, and showing them boxes of dirt.
Protip, she wasn't from NASA.
I remember this same kind of weird interview shit from when I was in elementary school sewardanon from archives, kind of funny to see so many of us back here again, except for me it was a random selection of students with intentionally varying abilities - a disabled kid or two, myself and another gifted student, and a few normal kids - who were interviewed by some (((suited guy))). My school was extremely abusive as well, but in different ways, and it wasn't severe in the same way as your experience was. My first grade teacher was the wife of the warden of the state prison across the bay, and honestly she probably could have done his job better than even he did, given how psychotic she was. Cunt wanted to drug me for "ADHD" claiming I was retarded, and my mom immediately threatened a lawsuit because she wasn't actually certified to be a teacher in the first place. My gifted instructor for some reason saw something distinct in me, and separated me from the other four students and put me on an even more advanced course schedule with a lot of self-guided learning; I remember being introduced to physics and biology subjects way beyond my grade level, and was encouraged to speculate about alien life not ayyliums, but actual xenobiology stuff. I also got the typical zener card "memory game" shit that some other anons report from GATE programs, and the same weird questioning using hypotheticals. I was pulled out of there after two years to be homeschooled, but was traumatized for a couple years by some near death experiences I had there, all involving strangling. I recovered from whatever fuckery that happened mostly because I already had redpilled parents, and I'm sorry to hear how badly it's affected you, anon. I suppose at this point, we're all in this together.
[–] 16324617? ago
I know exactly what you're going through and would recommend that you immediately consider improving your diet, exercising, and fasting, not an intermittent fast, but the whole nine yards. 15 days. Repent, and pray.
As someone who suffered from every single symptom you described and then some I can tell you the intrusive thoughts nearly vanished when I fasted. For the first time in years I had complete control over my mind, and I was at peace.
[–] 16325927? ago
I've tried paleo dieting paired with weight-lifting for about a couple of months and noticed an improvement in my general health, but most of the mental duress was unaffected. The only thing that has helped cognitively was Vyvanse/Concerta, but I can't stand taking drugs for a marginal increase in my mental efficiency.
I suspect that the outcomes of my experience with the GATE program imparted some kind of irreversible brain damage, tbqhwyf.
[–] 16325928? ago
Paleo is good but the most important part is prayer and fasting.
You need to detox your system for it to heal.
[–] 16325923? ago
im not from usa, but i have the same symptoms, going on for a long time now. cant stop the thoughts sometimes, its maddening. i get a horrible thought and then spend a lot of time repenting
[–] 17000593? ago
Fuck this.
>>12709696
Start keeping a dream diary notebook next to your bed. Record the date, how you felt before laying down to sleep, the moon cycle (to encourage awareness), and if your efforts were successful (if you remembered anything. If you fail to recollect, write: I chose not to remember my dreams today.
Start doing silent mind meditations, where you push away all thoughts from your mind (as if your mind is a genuine place, where things can occupy space in it) and sit in absolute silence.
Religion is useful to those who do not want to see things for what they are. If you choose to self actualize fully, you can protect the things that matter to you in ways that you now think are superhuman.
I wish someone told me this a decade ago.
The Truth will set you free - But ignorance is the easy way.