[–] ZenAtheist 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Having been a Christian, I understand the religious reasons against divorce... I also understand how marriage and family and commitments and hard work strengthens and builds relationships and society as a whole - and that divorce is part of the rot of moral degradation that is tearing down Western society...
I also understand how young people aren't taught about sacrifice and commitment and the hard work it takes to build a life - and that just like abortion is seen as a casual, drive-through solution to pregnancy... divorce is seen as a casual, drive-through solution to marriage.
Having said that, let me be a devil's advocate for a minute.
A friend of my wife's - a pastor's daughter - married a preacher boy who beat her and abused her mercilessly for years until she had to leave. Her family disowned her for doing so.
Without the ability to divorce, you remove the greatest impetus to work on your marriage and strengthen your relationship - the risk that it may end if you don't try.
Each partner knows that if they cheat, they are risking everything. But if divorce is off the table, the risk factors change. This is the same with the physical violence I mentioned. I'm sure her husband beat her for years knowing that the religious and family pressure would keep her from just leaving. And those pressures may have been responsible for years of black eyes.
And beside the extreme examples like that, is just human laziness. If you have a dead beadroom, or you don't spend time with each other, or you don't like each other - a lazy partner should not feel that they can get away with it. I wouldn't stay in that kind of life, and my wife knows that if we're both not trying, then we've put an end-date on our marriage.
Often, people make big decisions based upon one important set of beliefs and values (perhaps religion), and neglect the rest of the beliefs and values in their lives based on experience and practical matters. In our zeal to combat the liberalism that is strangling our culture and threatening our children, we risk giving our children a balanced view. We must impart not only our beliefs, but our experiences to our children so that they are fully equipped. I will tell my daughter that the first time he hits you, you must leave - and I'll be there to return the favor straight into his idiot face. And I will tell my son not to stick around a marriage if his wife isn't building it up or has let the intimacy die.
You have to be able to dread the natural consequences of your actions, and not be shielded from them by institutionalized beliefs.
[–] Funkypurplekitty [S] 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
The fact is that we let simple things like unhappiness ruin our marriages. Of course there are reasons like real physical violence where a marriage can not be sustained. Both parties should be physically safe.
And I get your thoughts of the benefit to divorce as a consequence of not letting yourself get into bad or selfish behavior although I'm not sure how much I agree. I think even without it being a go to it had always been there and even without it we still have a fear of losing the one we love. I think the most successful marriages don't entertain the idea of divorce.
I will tell my son not to stick around a marriage if his wife isn't building it up or has let the intimacy die.
I don't think this is a reason the divorce though. Counseling, would be a good suggestion in the instance though, for just her and maybe marriage. Of course this is not ok but these are issues that can usually be worked though.
[–] ZenAtheist ago
I get what you're saying, and I guess the way I put it seems a bit cavalier. I guess a lot gets lost in translation when you try to communicate complex ideas in short sentences.
This subject really can't be done justice without a good face to face conversation. Essentially, without loyalty, love, committment, friendship, etc... If our marriage breaks down in these areas and all that's left is the dead skeleton of responsibility - I'm walking out the door today.
This is not a casual or flippant thing. I have put everything into my marriage and family. I intend to hold myself to the same standard. But I have no illusions... Marriage isn't mystical - we build it, or it crumbles.
[–] DefenderOfTruth 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Good reminder, thanks! Life is so short compared to eternity. Sometimes we forget that and get wrapped around the axil about our earthly troubles. It will end! And, if you “fight the good fight and finish the Faith” you will have a great reward prepared for you by the Lord. Some people’s marriages are more of a trial by fire than others. But, either way, we are called as Christians to stand by our man. Of course, if there is abuse, you should be separated for whatever time is needed, but walking away is not the answer.
[–] totes_magotes 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I did that once and I was applauded by everyone except her family and her 4 or 5 closest friends who are incidentally all mentally broken in some way still today. I tried for four years to lift her up and fix and deal with the issues and she wanted nothing to do with it. I had her job interviews lined up (not even my field of work either and that takes some doing) and she blew them all. For her, fixing a simple bowl of soup was something I was supposed to give copious amounts of praise for. She went to school twice to learn how to do something with herself and flat out refused to do anything with that education each time... but I had to pay for it.
Hell, she even came to me and thanked me afterwards saying it was the best thing I could have done for both of us.
At some point, you have to recognize that some things which shouldn't come to an end sometimes have to.
And it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
[–] Funkypurplekitty [S] 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Fighting for your marriage and trying to fix someone else are not really the same thing, though that's great that you tried to stick it out, no one can fix anyone but themselves and that's sad that she did not realize it till she was out of the marriage.