[–] Naziadolfhitler 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I know what you mean about the mood swings. I'll be optimistic and contempt walking out my apartment to work, and then as I walk through the park I think about something that 'triggers' self-destructive and negative thought. I've learned to identify these triggers. Sometimes I stop myself, sometimes I don't want to.
[–] Ratticus_Maximus [S] ago
Sometimes I stop myself, sometimes I don't want to
I know what that feels like Sometimes I enjoy being depressed because its easier to keep fighting and be happy.
[–] Rainy-Day-Dream 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
you're not alone though, many people have been through similar experiences and we believe you can survive it too. and you don't know me but I'll listen if you need someone to talk to I don't know if there's anything I can do but I'll try me best to be of help to you
[–] tue 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles -- but hang in there, buddy. What you're describing is pretty much what I've been feeling for the past few months. What I've realized lately is that the people around you really do care, they just don't know how to react and relate. The constant mood changes really suck. It drains you both mentally and physically but I really prefer them to the feeling emptiness and apathy.
Just know that we are here to listen if you need somebody to talk to. I truly hope you'll be able to find your way in all of this!
[–] Ratticus_Maximus [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
It just keeps getting harder, I constantly have to hide it at home. So it gets brought up at school, where most of my friends just ignore me or joke about it. When I'm noticeably not well, infact today I left a not on my screen saying I wished to commit suicide because in all honesty I do. Left it there for the entire day. No one glanced and saw, no one checked up on me no one noticed me. It just feels so tough as every relationship I pour my heart and soul into it with friends and others but then it shatters.
[–] tue ago
Hey man -- I get it. This is not an easy thing go through alone. I know it really makes it frustrating when people seem to ignore you or your state, but depression really can be a hard thing to grasp if you've never experienced it yourself. I guess a lot of people just don't know how to react. In fact, some of my closest friends are actually the ones that have the hardest time understanding what I'm going trough. Like you say, it's really a disheartening feeling when you pour your heart into your relationships, without getting the same back. I often have days where I'm wondering why I even bother -- and honestly, I rarely come up with an answer.
I'm not really in a place to give you any advice, but I think if you keep being honest with your surroundings, you might find someone who can support you along some of the stretches in the long process of getting better. I don't know if you're already getting some professional help otherwise I would definitely recommend it. If you need somebody to talk to, we're always here to listen. Even though we have never met, know that people here really do care about you!