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[–] Trogdor300 ago 

You could get him a job at your place of work. Might be the fastest way to get him out of your house. You should set up cameras in your place , this sounds like the most disgusting Odd Couple tv show ever. Also whiskey is better for breakfast instead of gin.

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[–] GinForBreakfast [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

"You could get him a job at your place of work."

If only. One of the requirements of where I happen to work is the ability to carry 25lbs, push/move more than that, and be able to walk around easily/quickly. I can walk faster with 80 pounds of feed in my arms than Richard can burdened by nothing more than his own bulk.

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[–] Trogdor300 ago 

Then get him a job with on of your competitors and booms. 2 to the morgue

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[–] lezzmeister ago 

Starbucks sounds like just the place for him. Or Dunkin Donuts. Get the application forms and give it to him. Get doubles so you can fill in for him if he does not do it. As long as it is rentmoney.

I don't eat meat and told him it isn't allowed in my house

Awfully strict. Maybe for him do not allow cheese if he wants meat. Most cheeses have quite a few calories.

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

You also have to consider that this is a lazy, disgusting sack of shit. He's not willing to put in enough effort to not live in roaches. He's not going to try for a job.

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[–] fupascooper 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

FATS ARE LAZY AND GROSS

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[–] fupascooper 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Well, you've learned a lesson. NEVER save those who don't care enough to save themselves, and for God's sake, write off this friendship STAT. If you don't get him out NOW you are almost as guilty. Save your pride. Do it today.

[–] [deleted] 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

[Deleted]

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[–] mk46gunner 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Get him out, and never talk to a fat again if you can help it. This shit right here is why I stopped being friends with fatasses half my life ago.

I think you and I would get along rather well.

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

I think you need to take a hard line with this guy. What he has brought to your house is not normal or acceptable. Friendship does not include allowing a roach infestation, smell, litter, and general unnecessary fuckery. If this guy gave half a shit about you, he would not do any of this. If this guy gave a quarter of a shit about you, he would do simple shit like clean his plates and shower. If anything from other fatmate stories is true, this guy is not leaving either. He will stay and leech off you for as long as you allow it. He's not going to get a job and he's not going to learn to contribute to the household.

You should be honest with him and draw these boundaries. It's your house and so you get to do that. Asking for basic hygiene is not unreasonable except that it's unreasonable that you should have to ask. If he's not willing to change, you have to make it clear that he can't stay. Don't let yourself be bullied into tolerating such nonsense.

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[–] GinForBreakfast [S] 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

Thanks for the tips. When he doesn't even recognize his behavior problems as problems, it's tough to make him comprehend I expect him to do something about them.

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[–] mk46gunner 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

and two months later I am still finding survivors breeding in my apartment.

So he's been there at least a couple months. Everything else considered, he's as much dead weight as he is waste of space. ...that was a bit redundant. Kick him out.

Being that I'd have never made this offer to a fat in the first place as I've pretty much severed every friendship I've had with any sort of fat, my approach is going to seem callous. And, as is fit for another day's rants, most people I've known outside the military have gotten fat, so one by one, my old civilian friendships have dissolved to the point where I have few people where I live that I can call a "friend." I practice what I preach. I'll say that few quality friends is far better than dealing with fats.

Anyway, back on track. I'd have never offered a place for fatty to begin with, but seeing as he's already there, I'd be issuing an ultimatum:

Find a job, pay rent, and start cleaning up after yourself. You have one quarter, 3 months, 90 days, to unfuck your shit, fatty, or I'm kicking your shit out to the curb and you can greasily slide your way out the door after it. You're no longer welcome here. Also, hope you like the smell of insecticide. I'm bug bombing the fuck out of the apartment, courtesy of your fucking cockroach infestation, and adding the cost to your rent.

If you've learned anything from FPH, it's that fats ruin everything. You should have known better.

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[–] Runstone ago 

The issue then is Richard will look up tenant's rights stuff and OP might be boned.

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[–] GinForBreakfast [S] 0 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago 

If you've learned anything from FPH, it's that fats ruin everything. You should have known better.

I only found my way here after I started realizing what a mistake I'd made. If only I hadn't been too late.

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[–] mk46gunner 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Better late than never, I guess. Good luck kicking the fucker out.

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[–] theepilepticferret 0 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago 

Be straight forward with him. "Richard, you are impossible to live with because of X, Y, and Z. I invited you into my home because you were my friend, but the way you disrespect me and my living space is unacceptable. You have until X date to move out."

Richard will probably bitch and whine about how he doesn't have a job, has no where to go, etc. Just tell him that's not your problem. If his name isn't on the lease, you have no obligation to keep him, and every right to kick him out. Especially since (I'm assuming) he doesn't pay for fuck all since he doesn't have a job.

Kick that fatty to the curb and don't repeat the mistake of being kind to an obeast ever again.