[–] anonOpenPress 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
You've got courage and character now, being so open, starting from so early age. That must have left scarves, I hope your psychiastrist was good and bighearted, able to really help. Memories of too bad are supposed to disappear, you only remember what you can handle, what doesn't break anything. Remembering even that much tells about great inner strenght, so you have all it takes to reach the balance again (if you didn't already). The most important is to not blame yourself, and if you feel questioning your parents anyhow talk it out to them. I handled one childhood issue a long time later with my mom, what a relief to speak that out. But nothing like you've experienced.
How many babysitters you remember? Do you remember anyone of them NOT being abusive?
[–] Forgetmenot 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Thank you for sharing it does help others. It's really hard to talk about. I know for a fact abusers all threaten children and use fear to force them to comply and also keep them quiet. They also blame the victims. Nothing you say sounds odd but actually follows the pattern of abuse. I have heard different theories why abuse seems to follow the victims. I heard that psychological theories of self fulfilling professy. I have heard that the network keeps tabs on the victims and know who to target. I have even heard a spiritual explanation, that demons possessing the abusers know who to target and return to their victims. I am probably butchering that theory, I apologize if I am reporting it wrong. What is a fact is that it is a phenomenon that once abused a child is repeatedly abused throughout their life. Step one in healing is acknowledging it. You can't fix it if you don't know what is broken so good for you for acknowledging it. You have a courage I wish I had. It's really hard to face this. Thanks for sharing.
[–] becki_p20 ago (edited ago)
Thank you for sharing and I am sorry that I didn't see this sooner. I don't come on voat a lot but I think that may change.. Anyways, I just want to thank you for your courage in coming forward about what happened to you. Having blocks in your memory is totally normal - I do too. Its the brains way of dealing with and processing the trauma that you have experienced. As time goes by, you may begin to remember more and be able to piece things together. This is probably the time when you need a lot of support from those around you. I'm glad to see that you're in therapy. Do you feel comfortable with your therapist? I know sometimes people go to therapy just because they feel they need to but they don't like their therapist. If that is you, I would really recommend you finding someone you feel more comfortable with. What you say about being prone to more abuse after being abused is exactly how I felt. I always felt like I had a flashing sign above my head saying "welcome to be abused". Pedophiles can see those that have been abused just as, often, survivors can recognise children that are being abused. But it wasn't your fault. Nothing that you experienced was your fault. Please remember that
Thank you so much for putting this out there . Ive attempted to tell my story in "emotional dumps " it's the hardest thing ever to talk about . It completely ruined my childhood and life for that matter . I'm slowly starting to realize things and how my mother is a narcissist . I was always told by her and my aunt to " suck it up " basically and stop being so emotional because they had been abused by relatives growing up . So really then I should just count myself as lucky that I wasn't raped and only molested ! And guess what I did . I had this false reality that everyone must get abused from family members and close friends . It happened my whole life ! From age 4 and up . Then I turned into the most promiscuous teenager ever! It only got worse from there . I'm ok now and have been married over 20 years . I'll get to how I'm ok later . Thanks for listening to my rant . I will add more too as it comes to me .
[–] SturdyGal 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago (edited ago)
I have noticed this, too. I wonder if it is because a loosely organized group is grooming kids and they communicate with each other? Or is it a change within the child that abusers can see, much like survivors can tell a predator right away?
Also you ask the interesting question of why you didn't think of moving tables sooner. I think that victims are sort of stunned by the assault, especially in public where you wouldn't want to call attention to it out of embarrassment (they should be the ones embarrassed). I think abusers count on that, sort of like a cobra hypnotizing a little mouse. Many adults would be frozen in place, too, I think.
Thanks for your insights. If you have any ideas on how we can better protect children, please post.