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[–] Shitlord2016 0 points 15 points (+15|-0) ago 

Well fuck, all we have to do is tell them they have to walk a reasonable distance and they'll kill themselves. Obesity epidemic solved!

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[–] LetsBeNakedOutside 0 points 9 points (+9|-0) ago 

A Trail of Buttery, Buttery Tears, of you will. ;)

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[–] Pasdequoi 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

If I ever had to walk that far, I'd probably kill myself.

Tbf, it sounds like she's big enough that walking that far could legitimitely kill her :p

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[–] Shit_Lord_EatinGrin 0 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago 

What's a six minute drive? 3 miles? There are people who can run 50 miles, walking three isn't exactly superhuman material

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[–] damnbiker 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago 

No, but it's also not sub-human material. Walking three miles to a fat isn't the same as walking three miles to a human, even if there were a doughnut on the ground at 60 ft intervals, all the way. Eventually they'd get sleepy.

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[–] MrSaxoBeetus 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

At Ragen Chestpain's pace, it'd take over an hour.

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[–] Carsandsarcasm 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

I feel guilty about driving anywhere less than 5-10 minutes. How can we have reached a point where you want to kill yourself for walking a few kms? I would go insane with that level of inactivity.

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[–] Whitelights 0 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago 

Triggered her to retake the course! Haha that's some top shitlording!

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[–] Pasdequoi 0 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago 

Walking is only acceptable is you're hunting Pokemon, durr /s

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[–] Foreverbronze 0 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago  (edited ago)

Pretty surprising actually. You gotta give it to them here. Being proactive with their health and signing up for the course to maximize the chance of immediate administration of CPR when they inevitably have a heart attack.

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[–] TunaAndCucumbers [S] 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Fuck knows I wouldn't do it to 'em. I'd feign ignorance while franticly burning my card.

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[–] Foreverbronze 0 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago 

Any attempts would probably be fruitless anyhow. I think you would need the equivalent strength of a 495lb bench press to perform chest compressions and a 200CFM, 20 horsepower blower for mechanical ventilation of the lungs to adequately perform CPR on those blubber beasts

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[–] MrSaxoBeetus 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago 

Everything is quite nice until the instructor looks up, as if she's felt a disturbance in the force, scrunches her face, and mutters "here they come."

That's because they all took the elevator. Fatties always arrive together because they have to wait for the elevator to carry them.

spoiler alert: I'm 5'10"/155 (that's about 178cm/70kg in socialism units)... I'm not skinny...

You're exactly as tall and as heavy as I am, kinda creepy. I've been called anorexic several times. I wish I had your wits, however, I usually just brush it off because fatlogic stresses me out way too much.

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