[–] hulkingmanbeast 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
This is crazy. How do they even find out where to go?
Is it the same group every year? Are you sure some fats weren't just driving by and saw free food sitting out? If they talked to anyone, they'd be expected to know names. If they instantly start shoveling in food and distance themselves, they know no one's going to confront them. Be rude, ask them who they are and who they know there. If the people they point out don't confirm it, threaten to call the cops for food theft or something if they don't leave. You said they've already stolen actual cash.
[–] LittleBittz 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
Why have family parties ruined by this? Simply designate yourself the greeter of the family when they show up and politely ask how they are related. If they can't come up with any names of people they are related to, just kindly ask them to leave! They are crashing the party. They're the ones being rude. WTF
[–] unikko [S] 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
By all logical accounts, someone should ask them to leave but we're Midwestern so instead everyone stares at them while they gorge themselves and then we talk shit about them in a way that makes it sound like we're not talking shit.
I texted some family and I guess lard dad is my great aunt's second cousin once removed. Apparently today at the food table he was loudly commenting to his lardy spawn about how he is indeed related to us. He missed the memo that if you have to explain how you are related then you are not related enough to show up.
[–] l23r 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Even if they can come up with some name, like Uncle Bob or whatever, OP can always say something like "I am so sorry you didn't respond to our invite. We didn't make enough food to go around." Then look at their stomach and say "I'm sure you understand!"
[–] ShitArchon 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago (edited ago)
This year is a good year. It's nice and laid back, not too hot, not too humid.
My favorite part is that it's raining right now. I miss fireworks but it's wonderful for sleeping.
Quick context: This is the Midwest, everything is dealt with through passive aggression. No one is going to call out this troupe of fatties directly.
A shame you guys can't kick them out. As /u/Quiggleton pointed out, it sounds more like people making up the "we're distantly related" part than actual family--but these are hams, sitting and eating without other interaction is what they do. For example, as the author of Obeast At The Orgy recounted, swinger parties are often just nude potlucks for old fat people.
Your great-uncle is the hero we need. Americans don't fat-shame nearly enough when hams impose on others.
[–] Buttress_of_windsor 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
I moved to the Midwest as an adult, no family here. Y'all are fucked up. People look at me like I have two heads for saying some basic shit. Also it is extremely frustrating when people are incapable of shooting me straight. Why? Why are people such pansies here?
[–] unikko [S] 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago (edited ago)
I think this article hits some of the big points. Basically we are conflict-averse to a fault—brusque is not how we do it. https://www.thrillist.com/lifestyle/nation/my-life-living-midwestern-nice
EDIT: Wanted to add that it's a cultural thing. It can be frustrating sometimes but I think it has its upsides. I'm going to school on the east coast now and everyone is so abrasive out there. There was definitely some culture shock for me. I definitely prefer the Midwestern approach. Despite the shitty conflict resolution strategies I feel like people are nicer on the whole here.
[–] jennyanydots817 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
Very interesting article, thanks for posting. I'm from the Midwest and it was spot on.
[–] Buttress_of_windsor 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
I'll tell you what really burned me, I thought I was friends with some people for 2 years. I would go out to lunch with them and things like that, then I find out they went to elaborate lengths to not invite me to things. I saw them on the trail I bike when they said they were cancelling plans after a few similar "cancelled" things we were going to do. I felt literally sick that I wasted my time with people who were too pathetic to just not be my friend and lead me on. After 2 years it really made it hard for me to develop any kind of friendship again bc I can't tell if someone is faking it 😕
[–] Quiggleton 0 points 8 points 8 points (+8|-0) ago
This is incredibly bizarre, people just showing up and taking food? No pleasantries or catching up with "family"? Coming from an Aussie who has been to many, many bogan Australia days, this is still absurd.
[–] ShitArchon 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Twenty dollars says the perpetrators are massive, massive deathfats. That's whom you get the least human behavior from. For them, it's just free food to scarf and keep up their shugers. The existence or nonexistence of familial relationships is immaterial.