[–] [deleted] 0 points 24 points 24 points (+24|-0) ago
[–] mmmmdonuts 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
That last line made me smile. Reminds me of a great KMFDM song.
[–] TunaAndCucumbers [S] 1 point 3 points 4 points (+4|-1) ago
...or do you mean MDFMK? :P
[–] ForgotMyName 0 points 3 points 3 points (+3|-0) ago
I wish I could get away with wearing that on a shirt at work. It would be a glorious day.
[–] burntfishnchips 0 points 12 points 12 points (+12|-0) ago
Did that porkorc just guzzle down 800 calories of ranch!? holyshit.
[–] TunaAndCucumbers [S] 0 points 16 points 16 points (+16|-0) ago
It was on a salad, shitlord! The calories get canceled out, 'cause iceberg lettuce, or, something. /s
[–] burntfishnchips 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
Oh my gosh, not iceberg lettuce!! has an eye spasm The amount of times I've been to a fat salad bar in hotels; which is basically iceberg with one slice of tomato and ranch dressing on the side makes me want to puke.
[–] daMountainOfLard 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Oh there was lettuce in there? I think you're the wrong one here then. Because that's NEGATIVE calories. So he basically LOST weight eating that salad. Duh
[–] GrandpaDrokz 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
It's okay since the salad will just absorb the calories of the ranch and zero it. Just as the diet coke will absorb the fats and calories of the triple Big Mac menu at McBeetus
[–] ElectricPurple 0 points 11 points 11 points (+11|-0) ago
There's HFCS in fucking EVERYTHING in America. Even in bread. Fuck HFCS.
[–] TunaAndCucumbers [S] 0 points 17 points 17 points (+17|-0) ago
In America, it's not bread, it's fucking cake.
If I'm eating bread, it's fucking dark rye... with caraway, dammit.
[–] [deleted] 0 points 7 points 7 points (+7|-0) ago
[–] FreedomToast 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
I love the fact you can measure the caloric impact of dressing based on the time. That's beauty right there, a true shitlord; you make me feel unworthy.
[–] journalistsarelazy 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Poor mutilated salad :(
[–] TunaAndCucumbers [S] 0 points 5 points 5 points (+5|-0) ago
Yep. It's the equivalent of ordering a well marbled slab of wagyu well done.
[–] DeadBabyFactory 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Your stories and story telling abilities are the best, ILY. "the shitlording will continue until BMI improves" was gold
[–] TunaAndCucumbers [S] 0 points 6 points 6 points (+6|-0) ago
Thanks!
I feel like I should put these together in an anthology, but I'm not sure if it would sell, rather than just get a bunch of 4XL panties in wads.
[–] DeadBabyFactory 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
I bet at least a few of us here at FPH would buy copies! There is enough SJW hate out there that it would at least have a small chance of making it big, Milo style.
[–] Shitlord2016 0 points 53 points 53 points (+53|-0) ago
One of my fat subordinates(I didn't hire her I inherited her) told me that one of the skinny girls in the office was bullying her. Since I'm already in trouble with HR for not dealing with a similar matter last month I invited them into my office to talk about it and see if we could work it out.
The hammy one says, " I told her about how I was getting healthy like her and she wouldn't take me to the gym with her until I stopped eating fast food". I said, " how is that her bullying you? It sounds to me that she is perfectly willing to help you once you put forth some effort". She then said, and I shit you not, " I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to get healthy".
So now I'm watching a diversity video with the skinny girl. I'm pretty sure this video is dated becuase it's teaching me not to say racist things to African Americans instead of not being mean to fatties.
This fatty makes 80k a year, how can she be so fucking stupid.
[–] Totenglocke 0 points 31 points 31 points (+31|-0) ago
Give fatty some tight deadlines that you know she won't meet due to laziness. Then fire her pork-ass. Done.
[–] theJshow 0 points 10 points 10 points (+10|-0) ago (edited ago)
I LOL'd SO FUCKING HARD AT THIS. "one of my fat subordinates(I didn't hire her I inherited her)"
I think I'm on mandatory diversity training too from all the shit I let out of my mouth with no filter. I'm literally sitting in some 80's BS video once a month I use for nap time.
[–] ShitArchon 0 points 4 points 4 points (+4|-0) ago
Sounds kinda good tactic, I'm apt to get a lot of those in the future because I have no filter.
[–] Runninghigh 0 points 2 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago
Are you fucking kidding me.
[–] [deleted] ago
[–] Shitlord2016 0 points 1 point 1 point (+1|-0) ago
In SC it is when you are 24. The cost of living is really low down here.