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[–] ILikeReadingComments ago  (edited ago)

Funny

How about another one.

Be me

In Iraq

In DFAC

Sitting at a table eating

There are 3 CW2s, Myself, and a PFC

Three ANZACAustralian soldiers join on the table

We are all eating

PFC stops eating

Looks up and turns his head over to the ANZAC soldiers

PFC "So you are car guy?"

ANZAC Soldier "ummm no…."

ANZAC soldier is completely confused by such a random question

ANZAC Soldier trys to make things less weird "Are you?"

PFC with a confused by him saying no "nah"

PFC goes back to eating

I'm trying not to laugh at this high level of autism that just broke out

Table is dead quiet

PFC stops eating again looks up

Ohboyherewego.png

PFC turns to ANZAC soldier "So are kangaroos like deer and are everywhere? Or are they like wolves and are always hiding?"

Myfuckingsides.png

ANZAC soldier more confused then before "….umm like deer I guess."

Group of ANZAC soldiers leave table and say cheers

CW2 "What the fuck warrior…"

===

Finnfag, compulsory military service for all men, women can join but not mandatory.

Marines, thrown on an island in the middle of nowhere

told to become a truck driver, wait lolnope we need more military police, here have a tractor as well since you're going to be driving the food shipments around

well at least I'll get to train with a scoped rifle, pistol and shotgun too

lolnope, island is shutting down next year, assault rifle and smoke grenades only

well at least we get to practice small unit tactics regularly

nope, once a month, less if there's something else going on

women who join up are guaranteed nco's at the least, regardless of actual ability

career nco's all get drunk as shit on weekends, some guys have been demoted and promoted half a dozen times in the past year

island fortress closed after half a year, still 3 months left in service time

island was apparently the last bastion of military discipline, every other place is full of pussies

except diver's barracks, holy shit fuck those guys are insane

go running in gasmasks, throw up into gasmask and put it back on and go running, what the fuck dude really?

Wish I'd stayed longer, now that I think about it.

That said, fuck female presidents; who the fuck thought it was a good idea to stop using infantry mines? It was like our only good weapon against an invasion, holy fucking shit women are stupid.

===

5870221

Finnish, volunteered to International Rapid Deployment Force during my military service.

After that I was deployed in Afghanistan.

vehicle patrol with PASIs

along the road there's a huge crater, and there's blood all around

we take back, get out, and search the area of other explosives

it's clear

there's pink fuzzy things lying around

they are parts of sheep, still warm

Those afghan sheep may have saved our asses from IED hit. RIP

===

6045152

be 1833, amtracker

females come for the igtf

females can't lift the tow bar

refuse basic maintenence work

most females are dykes

few that aren't start relationships with male marines

witness female sergeants try to blast salty lcpls

lcpls don't give a fuck because most are admin or supply

females physically can not pull male marines out of the turrets in simulations

black belt instructors can't climb ropes

females can't carry the .50 or mk19 machine guns

females insist on being treated equally despite all this

Generals watch these events and some literally shake their heads and face palm

all this in camp Lejeune and 29 palms during the summer and spring

mfw I don't have a face for the shit I've seen

know for a fact they are going to get marines killed

females are coming in October as actual 1833s

I'm glad I'm out before then

===

6049204

6046044

6047897

Be on course in Cdn military

Listen to SJW higher-ups bitch about the bad old days of the "Anglo-Saxon" (their words) military.

Hear horror stories of how first females in military written off as whores.

Know that a female course candidate has fucked just about everyone, has hit on instructors.

Hear about bigoted dinosaurs who thought that females would cause sexual misconduct.

Hear the same day that the military's stated #1 priority is tackling a rape-epidemic.

This is needed to increase female enlistment

"The way things are, parents would be crazy to let their daughters join!"

LEL

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[–] ILikeReadingComments ago 

Jews

I'll bite.

Be in recruit training during springtime

Raised Catholic so go to Catholic mass every Sunday

Ash Wednesday: evening mass for Catholics so we can get our ashes

All Catholics go to mass

All protestants and others stay behind in the squad bay, probably going to get smoked by drill instructors

Fucking jew tags along to Catholic mass to avoid drill instructors

This happened twelve years ago and it still makes me rage.

===

5865662

I was an atheist back when I was in recruit training but every Sunday I'd go tot he jewish services so I could candy and drink soda.

My friend(who is now the mayor of Jersey City) from recruit training was a jew who tipped me about off about how the guy who ran the jewish services(Cantor Feinberg) allowed recruit's families to mail in all kinds of snacks and drinks to him and he in turn would serve them to everyone who showed up at the end of services. It was some super secret snack time that only the jews were suppose to know about, but luckily for me I made friends with a chosen and he let me in on it. The cantor did it because of some kind of jewish feast tradition or something, I can;t remember exactly. I'd show up to Synagogue, slap on a yarmulke, and sit there and sing along and read from the Torah and everything.

So hopefully my story of a gentile infiltrating the super secret jewish snack time makes you feel at least a little better.

===

5865895

Bruh. I did the exact same shit. I found out from my Sikh bunkmate that the Jewish service always had these big loaves of bread and a ton of grape juice, and there was always plenty to go around because not many Jews. (He went to each service at least once to see which one he liked. They're allowed to worship God in pretty much any form they like, as long as they worship. At least that's what he told me)

Christian services took up most of the morning and it cut into Sunday free time, but kike service was short and we got all sorts of free food and shit, and since my last name is one of those German ones that kikes like to steal, they completely bought it. I would eat an entire goddamn loaf of kosher yid bread every Sunday, and the occasional family-sent snack. It was great.

I wasn't redpilled on the Jew at the time (Finding out about their special secret treatment on fucking Parris Island of all places was certainly was the first dose), but looking back on it, it's funny as fuck that I infiltrated their little secret club and pilfered their shit.

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[–] ILikeReadingComments ago 

Niggers

Sure I'll throw just a short one in Here.

Be me

Deployed to iraq

Finally get to have time to make a call home

Still wearing full battle rattle because I'm trying to make a call before it is to late homeside

Head over to MWR

You need a block to get a phone

Head over to desk

Ask SSG for a phone block

"Here you go Sgt Anon phone booth 8"

Walk over

Fat nigger with a shaving profile sitting in booth 8

He is in PTs

I tell him I have the phone block for this booth

He says "How about to stand at fucking ease shithead, and show some respect to an officer,. Who is your first line and CoC?

Forced to tell him

Don't get phone call home

Get a counseling statement for being "disrespectful" to an officer

Fill sandbags in battle-rattle

tfw he got his rank and position due to being a nignog

tfw Army uses affirmative action hardcore

Such is life in the Army.

===

5870139

I was a corpsman with the Marines, so I was kinda one. Though we used to make fun of army medics all the time because our E-1s could do IVs, and generally anything a corpsman is allowed to do, while in the army (at least where we were) only sergeants and above could do anything harder than applying tourniquets and giving out Motrin.

When I was in Iraq , one of the other corpsmen was this nigger that was so fucking full of himself. He'd puff his chest out as far as it could go, when he walked he literally looked like a chimp. Anyways, he acted like he was the hardest nigger alive, and said how much he wanted to "slay bodies". Yet, the very first time his platoon got shot at, they couldn't find him anywhere. They eventually found him curled up in a ball in a near-by house, cowering and bawling his eyes out. That was the day I realized why there were pretty much no niggers in the line companies.

===

5868780

Some private walks up with a fucking chemlight, breaks it, and tells the elder than he just stole his soul and put it in there.

Friend of mine was doing humanitarian aid work over in Africa and said shit like that happened all the time. In some of the not even remote villages too.

Apparently one guy (with some really easily treatable blindness) said he didn't trust the medicine because he had heard stories that it was poison. He was more willing to believe that it wasn't medicine, but instead an ancient magical potion, than believe the medicine was not actually poison. The best part was that the guy they treated (medicine works in basically a day) went around telling everyone that a "powerful shaman" came and blessed him with sight so some other guy comes in and starts yelling that he's fucking pissed they undid the curse he put on the first guy.

Happened a few times in different villages too, people claiming they were cursed.

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[–] ILikeReadingComments ago 

Hajji

Week 1 of deployment.

Get a PCR from the base hospital.

"Jesus how the fuck did we miss one!?"

Sweating bullets. Going to blast whichever lance cpl missed it so bad his grand kids will know my voice.

Read PCR.

It's a pregnant female. Pregnant sluts literally rate a casualty report before being sent back stateside.

Tell the doc sitting next to me to check this out.

Laughingbros.png

SWO yells at us to shut the fuck up.

Look on screen at drone feed.

Tracking some hajji carrying a blanket over his arm. Rest of COC is getting ready to rain death on this fucker.

He stops by a donkey.

Throws blanket over the donkeys back.

Steps on wooden box.

You could hear a pin drop in that room. Everyone is watching in disbelief.

He starts fucking it.

Everyone is laughing. "No fucking way"

12 pump chump.

He's winded.

Smacks donkey's ass and heads back the way he came.

First good day that week.

===

It's not so much inbreeding as it is the titanic level of no education. I mean, inbreeding exacerbates it, and these people have no natural ingenuity, but holy fuck are they unbelievably stupid.

Like, we ran into a village that thought we were Russians and had changed our uniforms and stuff. We asked them what year they thought it was. We expected them to say like 1980 something. They said 1450.

There are stories about them just not grasping the concept of plate tectonics, thinking that our body armor is a portable AC unit (I wish. They don't understand the concept of body armor because it's just so hot, the pussies), that our Oakleys are Xray glasses (but we don't use them to look through walls and shit, oh no, we're using them to ogle their women), etc.

One good one is that they don't understand that our laser designators are for a distant aircraft. They think we literally just point at something with them and it magically blows up.

There was also a famous story of this village harboring a VIP and not cooperating with the Marines trying to find him. Some private walks up with a fucking chemlight, breaks it, and tells the elder than he just stole his soul and put it in there. He gave it to the elder, telling him that his soul would slowly return, in exchange for the VIP. It worked.

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[–] Rellik88 ago 

Link to read the rest?

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[–] CervicalStrike [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

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[–] Aliantha 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Oh man these are great.

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[–] 5246251? 0 points 2 points (+2|-0) ago  (edited ago)

The Ork Trukk one had my sides hurting. That last one though... :/

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