0
1

[–] SurvivorType 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Okay, I hate trying to critique. I just suck at it. Having said that, here we go.

I loved the story, it had a very old school sci-fi feel to it, but brought up to modern expectations in tone and language. I really enjoy short works, so I appreciated the compactness of this piece.

You do have some issues with punctuation and dialogue though. There are missing periods and all manner of minor chaos. That would normally be distracting, but I just took it in stride. I would suggest using google-fu to look up some online guides to punctuation and dialogue. Trying reading your story aloud. That one tip will help you catch many errors you would otherwise never catch.

In closing, keep writing! The more you work at it, the better you will become. Thank you for sharing this story.

0
1

[–] ZapptheBrannigan [S] 0 points 1 point (+1|-0) ago 

Firstly thanks for reading, and second I am glad you enjoyed it, I was really hoping I nailed that kinda old school sci fi feel. As for the dialogue, I cant english so great sometimes. I will be taking some time here soon to learn me how to english and will be re editing the whole work later anyways. Just trying to get the character development rolling and a bit of story arc and world building for the reader.

thanks agian!!

0
0

[–] SurvivorType ago 

No problem, thanks for posting this. I really liked it.